I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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