Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
