My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
