Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
