would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
