woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
