your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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