I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
