we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize