$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
