Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
