im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
