i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So. Much. Porn.
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