so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
