All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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