It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
