I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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