I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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