I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So. Much. Porn.
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