hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
