If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
