i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
