Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
