Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
