blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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