Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
