If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize