Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
