Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
