In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
