We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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