So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just pee around me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
