i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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