That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
