Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
