well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
