just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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