It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
as a side note pls kill me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
