this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize