i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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