Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
