is your mom at the bar?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize