At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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