We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
