farters have to be the big spoon...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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