Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
