Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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