Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
