Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
