I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
