I will die if light touches me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
