So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
