just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
