How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
