he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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