You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
