her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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