She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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