That's intense
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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