I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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