I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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