we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
