so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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