Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
