u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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