At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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