Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
