i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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