You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
