So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
