Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
meet me or not, i'm out of control
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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