this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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