i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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