I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
