u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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