i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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