I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
