who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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