My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
