dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why do cheetos always look like penises
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
