Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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