I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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