So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You smell like stripper and shame
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
