Kiss
Puke
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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