Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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