Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
