he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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