She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
