my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
