is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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