Well apparently he's into motor boating.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How naked do you want me to be?
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