I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
