you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
