I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
