I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
