you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
