If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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